Cloud My Thoughts
by Newromantic
Summary: Sam's thoughts whilst drugged. Set during Point Of No Return.


I don't own them. I forget who does, but it's not me. Something to do with Reptiles, I think...  
  
Cloud My Thoughts  
  
Major Samantha Carter struggled weakly against the ropes that bound her wrists to the chair. Despite her body's acquired resilience to drugs, the injection the 'psychiatrist' had given her twenty minutes earlier was starting to take effect and she could feel herself slipping in and out of consciousness.  
  
Her head felt heavy as she turned to look at her companion. Doctor Daniel Jackson had fallen unconscious only five minutes after he had received the injection, and was now slumped down as far in his chair as the restraints that held him would allow.  
  
"Daniel." She muttered, trying weakly to rouse the archaeologist from his artificially induced sleep. Gritting her teeth against the pain, she tried once again, in earnest, to loosen her ropes.  
  
Realising her struggle was futile; she cleared her throat and tried waking him once again. "Daniel." Her voice was stronger and more commanding this time and Dr Jackson stirred slightly.  
  
"Sam?" he mumbled, only vaguely aware.   
  
"Yeah Daniel, it's me. You have to wake up." Sam looked hopefully towards her companion, and then sighed in defeat as his head nodded almost imperceptibly and he slipped back into unconsciousness.  
  
"Damn." She muttered and pulled harder on her restraints. The rope bit into the skin on her wrists and she winced as the friction began to burn.  
  
Her body felt heavier now, and she was finding it all but impossible to keep her head from slumping forwards. The room was becoming dark around her and wave after wave of nausea was assaulting her already churning stomach.  
Cursing her helpless situation, she could only pray that someone - preferably the Colonel would find them before the men returned.  
  
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Colonel Jack O'Neill sat on the edge of his seat, mentally willing the vehicle to move faster. They had been travelling for nearly ten minutes, allowing the van in front of them to lead the way and following at a distance so as not to alert their suspects.  
  
Carter and Daniel had been incommunicado for almost three hours now, and despite having first hand knowledge that his second in command was an experienced and very capable soldier, he couldn't help but feel worried.  
  
As any good C.O. would - obviously.  
  
The trouble was, he unwillingly thought as he restlessly checked the safety on his gun, that it was no longer just the concern of a Commanding Officer he was feeling - and Major Carter was more than just his 2IC.  
  
Sighing deeply, he holstered his weapon and looked over at his companion. If he didn't know better, he would have been convinced that the alien was sleeping with his eyes open. Teal'c was sat on the bench opposite him and, unlike the Colonel, was absolutely still.  
  
"Hey." Jack smiled tightly at his friend and watched with some amusement as Teal'c turned to look at him with precise movement.  
  
"You okay 'T'?"  
  
"I am fine, O'Neill." Came the Jaffa's stoic reply.  
  
Jack nodded almost imperceptibly and returned his attention to his attempts at telekinetically accelerating the van.  
  
"You are concerned for MajorCarter and DanielJackson." Teal'c's unexpected comment caused the Colonel to look up, his eyes widening in surprise.  
  
"MajorCarter is a very capable warrior, O'Neill. You need not concern yourself too much." Jack smiled almost imperceptibly and nodded. Despite his clipped tones, anyone who knew Teal'c as well as the members of SG-1 did would know that he was as concerned for the other members of his team as the Colonel was. He also knew without a doubt that Teal'c's comment was warrior code for something along the lines of 'Don't worry, we'll find them.'  
  
Jack smiled reassuringly at his friend and was about to say something more when a disembodied voice came over the radio. "Sir, Suspect is slowing down."  
  
"Acknowledged." O'Neill replied crisply before grabbing a vest and pulling it on.   
  
The vehicle juddered to a halt and Jack turned to Teal'c. "You ready?"  
  
"Indeed." Came the Jaffa's stoic reply.  
  
The Colonel nodded quickly and jumped out of the van.  
  
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It's pretty amazing, the thoughts that go through a person's mind when they've been drugged, Sam Carter mused as her mind desperately tried to fight for sanity against the mental fog threatening to engulf her entire system.  
  
Scenes from Jolinar's life flashed through her conscious. Photographs and video-like images invaded her mind, confusing her already addled brain with memories of a life she had never experienced. Pain from Binar's torturing on Netu, nausea and self-disgust at her extreme behaviour necessary for escape from 'Hell', the will to live so strong, even as she could feel her very self ebbing away as the Ashrak sapped the life from her, and Martouf. Sam smiled unintentionally as images of Jolinar's century-long mate appeared in her head. Martouf, she missed him even now, and no matter how much counselling she had - be it from friends or professionals, she would *always* blame herself for his death. After all, it was she who fired the last shot. And no matter what happened in the future, his blood was always be on her hands.  
  
Concentration was becoming more and more difficult as the powerful drug fought its way into her resilient system. Remain conscious, she thought to herself. Just for a little while. Just until the Colonel gets here...and he *will* get here. Soon. Sam had faith in him. Somehow, despite the many personal barriers she had intentionally erected over years of disappointment, He still managed to instil such insurmountable trust in her, more than she had ever had in any person before.  
  
Her thoughts wandered again. But this time the memories and feelings weren't Jolinar's. They were her own.  
  
Tears fought their way to the surface as she remembered the pain in his eyes when the... the *orb* had invaded his body, slowly killing him from the inside. And they ran freely down her face at the memory of his hand weakly grasping and squeezing hers in complete trust as she told him how her plan may kill.  
  
This was the reason she loved him. The realisation hit her hard enough to force her mind into a more conscious state. Not his personality, not his looks and not his humor...it was his unquestionable trust - in her.  
  
Sam had realised long before he had that she loved him, and at first she had tried desperately to quash this feeling. She was a stickler for the rules...a military brat through and through. But still they came, and no matter what she did to deny her heart, he always managed to stir the unwanted emotions until she felt like a gibbering wreck whenever he was around.  
  
On his return from Edora she tried desperately hard to turn bitter disappointment into anger. Anger was easier to deal with after all. It was much less complicated to convince herself that she was mad at him for not thanking her for her constant hard work and sleep deprivation she endured just to bring him home, but after a time she realised that it wasn't anger she felt. It was sorrow; all consuming, heartbreaking sorrow. He had found someone else - someone he was allowed to love. Someone who was allowed to love him back.  
  
Sam shook her head, trying to shake the tears from her eyes. She could feel her strength returning as another image appeared in her mind.  
  
The ship.   
  
Apophis' new ship; the ship of revelations. In a way, Sam had a lot to thank Freya for...not that she'd ever tell *her* that.  
  
After all, if it hadn't been for those armbands, then they would never have defied orders and gone to destroy the ship, Daniel would never have passed out and she would never have been stuck behind that force shield.  
  
Even now, in her drug-induced state she could still see the look on the Colonel's face when he realised that there was nothing he could do to save her.  
  
He had shouted at her that day, and for the first time since that first day in the briefing room, she actually saw straight down into his very soul.  
  
She saw love.  
  
And that love had both shocked and humbled her. After convincing herself for so long that nothing could ever come of her own infatuation, in one brief moment he had managed to tear down another barrier and show her his heart. No words were spoken in that moment, and as far as they were concerned, it would never have been mentioned again...but for that damned Za'tarc machine.  
  
Sam shuddered violently against her restraints as the image of Martouf's lifeless body appeared in her mind. She needed to stop thinking about it; she needed to wake up. Now.  
  
Slowly, ever so slowly, she opened her eyes and looked over at Daniel. He was starting to come to, she realised with a satisfied smile. Now *he* could look after them until the Colonel arrived.  
  
Sam allowed her head to drop down and rest on her shoulders and she closed her eyes in sweet relief. But just as she could feel sleep overtaking her system, and her conscious mind admitted defeat against the drowsiness engulfing her, she heard a noise from behind.  
  
Hope overcame all and she raised her head, trying to look behind her, momentarily forgetting about her bonds, but she could only get so far. Then she heard a voice.  
  
"Carter?" It was him. Her knight in shining armour. Her Colonel. He had found her, as she knew he would. She raised her head a little more, straining against the ropes.  
  
"Sir?"  
  
His hand was on her arm now. She was safe.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
He was here. Of course she was okay.  
  
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The End 


End file.
